A rant from me...I'm sick of this B.S!!!

You know it shouldn't be this hard to have a relationship with the person you love. I know that going through things like this makes you stronger but I am sick and tired of having someone butt there nose into to someplace it doesn't belong. The only person who belongs in the relationship are those who are actually involved and the parents of those two. Note that I said PARENTS! That means the ones who raised you. The ones who helped you get on the path to your future. It doesn't matter if they are living with someone else of the family; once you hit that set age to where you know what you want with your life and that you are on your way to getting there because you are grown; it doesn't matter if your 17 or 18. By that age you are done being raise and your parents are done raiseing you because they know thats its to late in life to take back whats been done and said for the child to change their mind. That is the age to where the child starts to grown and to learn to be their own person. Thats the time in life to where your parents can do nothing but support you in what you choose for yourself. And if they don't like your choice then there is really nothing they can do because they can't and most likey won't force you to be someone your not. But I am tired of watching this happen to the one that I love. I'm sorry but you can't change who he is and what he wants. You don't have that control of power over him. So I suggest that you get it through your thick head and realize that your not getting rid of me. And that the only persons fault that is drawing him away from you is your own. I am not the one who is making up b.s. lies, and I am most certianly not the one trying to ruin his life by controlling every action he makes by finding some petty crap of an excuse to ground him because you want to keep him at home. All your doing for yourself is pushing him away. So don't blame me on that day he turns 18 and leaves to live with me and my parents and never returns to the life he hates. There is soo much more that I could say but the words are just too jumbled to come out!!!! I"M SICK OF THIS!!!!!!!!! And I WILL fight and I will fight hard!!!!!!!

Reaching High.

I stare at this page,
Wondering what it is I should say.

But I can't think of where to start.

This time that I'm in,

Seems like the place to begin-
If only the words would flow.

These feelings inside, I just can't hide.

So I keep them bottled away,

So that they stay out of sight.

The rains pouring in, in with the sound of the wind.

This storm is something I can't control.
It's got me down on my knees,

So that I'm sinking in deep,

At the sound of Your name.

I'm reaching above;

To the one with love.

For the strength that I need to be free.

He's the eye of the storm;

The maker of life,

Who has saved us all.

I place my hands in his,

To be saved from this-

The pain of the storm.

Just one person in a group of 3 friends...

Here lately I have felt, well I guess you could say I have felt alone. I know that I am not; it just feels that way. Then again, I suppose a better way to put this is that I feel distant. Distant from a few things actually. I am sure it is because I put myself there. I don't know if it's because I am mostly focusing on my life right now or if it’s because I'm just getting myself ready to take a big step in my life. One of the major things that I feel distant from is my friends. It is not as it used to be; at least it feels that way. Things are different between them and me. I am not sure if it is just me thinking that or if that is actually the way it is. If that is the case, then I do not like. I do not like feeling distant from my friends. Especially my best friends. It use to be where I would text nonstop or call them just to chat. And that would normally be for an hour or more. But now it just seems that I call or text them when I need something. Or that when I do call for a chat there is this awkward silence on both ends because we do not know what to say. Now I do not know if they feel this too but I most certainly do. My friends are a part of my life. That is the way I want it to be and the way that it will be. No matter where we are or how many miles apart we end up being. They will be a part of my life. I am just tired of feeling distant from them. I want things to feel as they use to, and it will never be too late to change that.

The things I realize when I'm with my friends.

Sometimes coming to rationalizations about life can be interesting. For example, when you have the friends that I do sometimes it's better to just sit back and observe some of the things they might say or do. They are just those crazy friends who love to have fun and make the best out of the time that they have. One of my favorite memories of my three best friends are those that have the craziest weirdest discussions or that they do the most weirdest things. Now I am not dis including myself from doing some of these things. I am most likely to be the first person to start them, or I do something that embarrasses myself because I either say or do something stupid. And the sad thing is that those things I say or do is not intentional. They just happen. But I love my friends soo much!! They make everyday a better day. Even when it seems to be the worst of worst days. But sometimes I don't let them know it. Why? I guess because on those days I would rather stay sad or mad I guess. These girls help me be the person am today. They push me to be the best that I am and do what I know is right. Yes that is also a parents job. But when your parents are not around then it's you friends who step up and take over for that time being. We each help each other in this way and that is what makes us the best of friends!

Face the fact. The time is here...

You know life seems to throw things at you all at once. Your either looking and ready to catch it or you’re not paying attention and as soon as you turn around it smacks you it the face. I don't know what it is about growing up and realizing that your whole life is going to change, but as of right now it doesn't seem like it should be hitting me this soon. It seems like it was just last year when I was out in the beautiful weather playing some childish game that would occupy my mind for a few hours. Or that it was the summer of my freshmen year and I was out with the youth group playing volleyball or having a car wash or even practicing our drama for Fine Arts. These are my favorite memories that I love to come back to and sometimes wish it was still those times. Not just because I didn't have to worry or even pay too much attention to the important things in life, such as a job or thinking about college for gracious sake, but because those are the times I enjoyed the most. Spending time with my best friends, taking trips with the youth, remembering all of the van rides to and from the places we were going, all of the laughs and inside jokes (most in which I don't remember), but those are the times I don't want to slip away. Yes the memory and experience of those times will always be there, but it's not the same as actually being in that moment. Recalling all of these times makes me wish time would just slow down for at least another year. Just one more year in youth, at camp; just one more year of those amazing summers with my best friends and family (church family included). That is all I ask for. But, and yes this is the big but that always gets in the way, if I keep asking for this how long would it be until I face the fact that time does not stop, that I have to face the things that are laid before me and not turn back to the things that once were. This is a major step, not only for me but also for those who are graduating this summer and for those who are losing a best friend, brother or sister because they are going their separate ways. The closer and closer we get to graduation, the more and more I have to stop and think; to remind myself that the time is here. If I can get through this one time and hold myself together, I could take on anything the world throws at me. But first I must take this one major leap, and it starts with Graduation...

The Dying Rose Turns Red

The shade of a rose drips crimson with blood,

While flowing with the steady beat of its heart.

Lying there awaiting its last breath,

It cries out.

--A beautiful rose grazed with the tears of morning.

Shining in the beautiful sun,

Its petals resembling velvet.

And its scent, as sweet as perfume.

An aroma fills the sky,

As the rose sways to the music of the heavens.

Awaiting the great celebration.

The fallen rose, trampled and torn.

Struggling to for a breath,

Searching for the strength to hold on.

--The lush redness shines vibrant.

Dancing in the fields,

Moving to the music of love.

Dwelling in the moment of happiness.

As the last breath approaches,

The memories begin to fade.

And with the final heartbeat,

The love that was shared,

Shines bright.

And the poison of its thorn sets in.

As a sweet gentle, kiss from within,

That shall last a lifetime.

Do you grasp this?

At what age does one really start learning how to be an adult? Or should I ask at what age do your parents finally realize that they are done raising you? I'm sure most would say eighteen and out of the house. But to be honest, I believe it comes much earlier than that. How many teenagers do you think butt heads with their parents once they hit seventeen? I would say just about most of them. The reason being, most teenagers are done and ready to make their own decisions for their life. To set their future in the direction they want it to be. Yes I know most teenagers are still living at home with their parents at seventeen, but that doesn't stop them from trying to make their own choices for their life, whether they are good or bad. The age seventeen is a tough age to be at. One, it's a year older than sixteen, and most of us know how great turning sixteen was, and two, it's a year younger than eighteen; the mind of a seventeen year old, well for those who actually grasp the concept that they are much closer to the age of freedom, is so caught up in trying to figure out what they actually want to do with their life. Now I know I just turned eighteen, it may not have seemed so special at first, but when I think about my year as a seventeen year old teenager and what all ran through my mind then. Well it's like a slap in the face now. Seventeen was the year to think about goals that you want to accomplish and to come up with a plan to meet those goals. Eighteen is that year you have to act on your plan. It's tough, it really is. But don't let life scare you. For one, you are still with your parents and they are there to help you get settled in your new life on your own. But that doesn't stop them from giving their opinion on some of the choices you make. Yes I know you might not want to hear what they have to say because their word means nothing to you when you’re going to do what you want anyways. It’s a matter of respect towards your parents. They are the ones who did raise you and they will voice their opinion. If it’s not what you want to hear then consider what they say and don’t make an argument about it. It’s will just make things harder on yourself and on your parents. Respect them and their rules whenever you our under their roof. I am guilty of the lack of respect when it comes to my parents voicing their opinion on my life’s choices. But it is also them who have shown me that they are done raising me now. It’s my turn to step up and take control of my actions and choices, and I know that they are there to support me the best they can. I love my parents. And I thank God for them. Without them, I would not be as strong as I am today. So don’t take your parents for granted when they voice their opinion. They only want what’s best for you.